Not All Is As It Sounds
by quokka
Summary: McGee gets the shock of his life outside a closed bathroom door at Gibbs'. Or does he?


A/N: This is what happens in my brain when you combine insomnia, fever and a bunch of NSFW prompts. I have no idea how to rate this.

McGee arrived several hours late to Gibbs' barbecue. Delilah was leaving for Dubai this evening, and he had preferred to spend their last hours in DC alone with her at home. As he walked through the front door, he could hear faint music in the distance as the smell of grilled steaks and burgers wafted in through open windows. He walked down the hallway to head to the backyard, but stopped short when he passed the downstairs bathroom and heard a stumble and a curse. McGee looked at the closed door and was about to ask whoever was in there, whether everything was alright (beer flowed freely on barbecue nights), but didn't get any further then opening his mouth when he suddenly heard Ziva.

"That's pretty big." She sounded impressed. "Please tell me you brought protection, Tony."

"Why would I bring protection? I didn't exactly plan for anything to happen at Gibbs'," Tony said with labored breath.

There was some indistinct mumbling, and then he heard Ziva say, "Push it in."

McGee's eyes went wide, mouth still agape. When he heard a groan, his face contorted in disgust.

"Harder. HARDER I said!" Ziva's voice easily drowned out the music drifting in from the backyard. McGee leaned backwards a bit to peer down the hallway in case anyone outside might have heard. Other than some indistinct conversations and laughter coming through the back door, nobody but him seemed to have heard their Israeli coworker.

He looked at the door with a raised eyebrow, glanced down the hallway again to see if it was still safe, and leaned his ear against the door.

"I've…never…done… something like this…before, Ziva!" Tony said in little puffs. "Isn't that…a little awkward?"

 _Nooooo_ , McGee thought in disbelief. He couldn't decide whether to record the sounds coming from behind the closed door, or text Abby to get over here. More muffled sounds distracted him from gathering evidence he could someday hold over his coworkers' heads.

"I need it. Give it to me." Ziva's voice ended on a groan.

"Turn over!" Tony sounded frustrated, and by now, McGee could feel his face and ears burn up with shame. But he couldn't move away. It was like watching a train wreck. If Gibbs found out about Tony and Ziva breaking rule 12, in his home, he would head slap them to the moon and back.

Then, a loud thud. "I'm exhausted," Ziva groaned.

"You're exhausted! I was doing all the hard work, Ziva."

McGee startled and stumbled two steps back when he heard the door handle move. He felt like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but was too stunned by everything he'd heard to make a run for it.

"I told you we should have just asked Gibbs from the beginning, Tony."

They almost walked straight into McGee.

"McStatue, why are you blocking the door?" Tony grumbled.

McGee looked from Tony to Ziva then back to Tony. They were both soaking wet. Ziva had that particular murderous expression on her face which she only reserved for Tony. Tony's hair was standing in every direction, only half of his shirt was tucked in, the five top buttons were undone, sleeves rolled up and for some reason he was holding a…wrench. McGee tilted his head to the side, _why was Tony holding a-_

"McGee!" Ziva snapped at him.

He opened his mouth, not sure what to say. "I…brought beer," he stammered finally, lifting the six-pack in the air.

"Ah! That's a good probie," Tony said as he took a beer. "I deserve a beer after doing a real man's job in there."

McGee scrunched his nose, images of his coworkers doing… _what the hell had Tony been doing with that wrench?_

Ziva huffed loudly. "Before you got started on your 'real man's job'…," Ziva made sure to use air quotes and get right into Tony's face, "the sink was still attached to the wall!"

"It's your fault," Tony said accusingly, jabbing a finger at Ziva's shoulder. "You dragged me in there to help you, because you didn't want to tell Gibbs you broke the faucet!"

McGee sighed in relief and let out a chuckle. "So you guys were trying to fix the sink," he said with a smile.

Both Tony and Ziva turned to him, anger and frustration radiating from their bodies.

"What did you think we were doing in there, McGee?" Ziva narrowed her eyes at him dangerously.

"Uhm… nothing…I'm gonna…go…," he raised the beer in the direction of the back door, but his coworkers were back to glaring at each other before he'd even turned on his heels. He could still hear them bickering when he walked into the yard and was greeted with loud cheers, no doubt because he'd brought more beer.

Ziva looked down the empty hallway, then turned back to Tony. "Seeing as you forgot to buy protection, we'll go to my place instead of yours later on. I know I have a full pack of condoms in the bedroom." She gave him a quick peck on the lips before turning and heading outside. The trademark grin that had appeared, admiring his soaked partners backside as she sashayed away from him, quickly faded, when Ziva looked back and said, "I'll go tell Gibbs you wrecked his bathroom."


End file.
